A Journey To Heaven

Mine Wish List

2007-01-27T12:21:00.000-08:00

To Find A Gal That Equally Love Me <--- Not Yet Done

To Buy A Car <--- Not Yet Done

To Have A Family To Settle Down With Kids <--- Not Yet Done

To Play Piano Well Enough <-- In Progress

To Write A Song To my Love ones <--- In Progress

To Have lots of money to spend <--- Not Yet Done

To Have a Stable Career <--- In Progress

To Decorate My Room With Furnitures <-- In Progress

To Make My Face A better complextion <-- Not Yet Done

To Build Up Myself To look Good <--- Not Yet Done

To Have a Aim or a goal in what i wish to do <-- Not Yet Done

To Dress Like Super Star <-- Not Yet Done

To Make Gals Fall For me <--- Not Yet Done

To Be Famous <--- Not Yet Done

To Setup My House Sound proofing <-- Not Yet Done

To Quit Smoking <--- Not Yet Done

To Make My Room That look like a jamming studio <--- Almost impossible with such small sq ft . haha

My Thoughts

2007-01-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

All The While i been thinking and thinking over n over again , i'm a person that scare to lose something , i am not those type of person easily forget about the past . Tends To think in a way to dominate everything in my path , maybe because expectation of is too low . Thats why things seems to be so simple , thats why i give up easily , back in few days ago i sat down with a friend who was in the same reservist date with me , We are out on the field camp and i learn alot of things from him , the way he talk to his gf its like friends , and they can plan as and where to go like nobodies business . They Seems to be so closed yet funny at all times , 2 yrs ago he was riding a bike , 2 yrs later he came out a car LEXUS and he shared with me how he made it into his business . His not high educated , but his got the brain to make money , and he told me he learn thru by seeing books , upgrading yourself is so important . i start to talk about my life , i sure know lots of things , COmputers , sound system , recording , video recording , and much more , but i'm not focus enough , i do have the talent to do but i definitely don't have brains in making business . I'm mutlitasking but i don't know where to start . Beside Mouthing about " I wan to get settle down and find a gal and get married have a forunate family " but i'm still far away from my dreams , it ain't gonna happened if i am still stuck without knowning my path of future . Maybe one day i should really start to sit down , do nothing but just jobs and money , because nowadays not just jobs industrial are expecting high performance produced by you , EVEN THE GAL's MUM wants them to married a rich guy . I think sooner or later i should stop all this nonsence , i got a family to support , i have to think of my mum , i have to think of my career and my future . Be Daring and face whatever is infront of me , accept fate alone and work thru the way . People changes , no point to keep past life into new life . I should learn how to forget and never think back ever again . This is what i learn from many pple in this world .

Peoples

2006-12-29T09:47:00.000-08:00

So many pple in this world don't know where they belongs . There are pple that can't make up decisions . And some are over confidence . pple get along just to be happy right? but there are pple tat get together to suffer unwillingly . Maybe i think i am one of the most fortune one . i dun feel what pple feel before . i only suffer thru my own . i telling myself to be strong . Often good things never comes to me , pple been saying " your time is not right " haha , ya but its a sentence to make u feel better . But no matter what happens . no one can help u , u have to walk your own path , see your own world in order to brightened up your day . i was once a guy that doesn't like to explore about anything . Till days have passed , i finally notice that there is not just one thing i should go for . i need to throw away unnecessary things inside my life . I must go forward , if i fall i will stand on back with my own legs . Pain and suffering is no longer a thing can brings me down . Because i live my life just because my life is equals to our parents . Back in the days . where your parents suffer when u were young . i dunno man ~ =D , almost all the gals i liked said the same thing to me " you are more then a friend then bf " pple just wan me to be their best friends . and i dunno why most of them said this " i intro you to one of my friends " . I don't understand why my life is full of channeling , pple can get direct connection , but for my case maybe its fated ^^ . i 'm always alone , pple fear for my happiness . but i just wan a life of myself . If u are borned soft hearted , whatever they say , u simply just say ok and never a 2nd word . guess this is my 2mth that i blog lol. don't think anyone looking at it right now stupid tag box is down and its always downed zzzzzz

A Love that never been found

2006-11-15T07:20:00.000-08:00

I totally lost myself into relationships , i forget how love is liked . i can't feel what is that , its just like never been found again. I stood far away ... looking outside .. i ... just feel empty , Yes everyone needs someone that can care and to be cared . No matter how harsh , when u said u give up , in the end u will still fall into it .

But seriously i just felt so empty now , i don't know whats gonna happened . i just found out that whats the net been saying about me is true..

"Your dating skills are AVERAGE!You scored a 65 out of a possible 100 points. Youâ€™re pretty good with the ladies, but you can be intimidated by a woman who is exceptionally attractive. There are some women out there that you consider to be â€œout of your leagueâ€.Sometimes when you see a woman youâ€™d like to approach you become immobilized with fear, and by the time you figure out what to say, she's goneâ€¦There have probably been several times in your life when a woman lost interest in you, and you just couldnâ€™t figure out why. Maybe she gave you her phone number and then didnâ€™t return your calls, or maybe you went out on a few dates with her and things seemed to be going good, when all of a sudden she became mysteriously unavailable.You might wonder why some of the women you are attracted to donâ€™t feel the same way, when all of your female friends tell you how lucky any girl would be to have youâ€¦These are problems that almost all guys run into at one time or another, but very few men know exactly what to do to prevent these things from happening in the first place.These are problems that many guys have, but very few know how to actually solve.The good news is that you can learn to attract these exceptional women... and even have them chasing you for dates! "

So When will there be a day till i finally feel love . There's no answers to it . Things just drifting far away .

Ray's Life

2006-09-17T14:56:00.000-07:00

I always back out when i feel i'm useless , and also i tend to give up on something that i wanted... thats why i'm always so far away behind . Everyone wants and needs the best , but i am always in the mininium , i'm too simple that nature can't accept . simple becomes complicated sometimes , just to make everyone leaves me . its not a gaining pity from people , its just that i must learn how to grow , i must learn my mistakes that i had been thru last time . i know myself too well , people around that can't understand just like the same as most of the people who had their own ideas and living ways . Sometimes trouble comes , there are some pple wanted to face it , and some others just head away and leave it . i been a coward for quite a while , i can't accept anything that i wanted to have . i tend to stand a distance away .

Is this right or is this wrong?

People saying " cuz its not your days right now , one day will have it " everyones giving the same opinion , everyday , everytime . Maybe even gods dun know why created humans with billions and billions of characters . look at the wars out there , that prove everything , humans will do anything to make themself a better life . Well known pple must always learn how to be humble , willing to learn and apply kindness . from young to old , each day everyone is learning how to be one.

i think i said too much , getting crazy soon haha

A Guy who been thru so many

2006-09-12T10:10:00.001-07:00

hmmm, finally thinking of coming back to blog in this boring place . its been quite long since i'll be blogging . haizz . nowadays its like so moody. Money , u , love . U get money but u might lose lots of things sometimes. Looking for a new love is like fearing to accept . which u think its impossible to love someone cuz u scare to face the truth . Everyone have their own thinking which, they don't even know what they doing .

By looking at a picture of someone and u feel that u wanted to feel her . but the distance is so far away. and the distance was so far away. the more u getting near to the person , wonderful things can happened , if the person accepted u . And also awkward things will happened when u are being rejected .

Envy , Glad , whats the used .

Even sales make fake faces and sometimes u have to talk nonsence to the customers , even its not your kind of character that are talkative , u need interact to gets things done . pple dun care u are willing or not willing to do it . Its the world that changes .

I'm afraid of everything now ~ and i noe that no one can help u , u have to learn your way to push out of the barrier that is blocking u . its just the matter of time ....

I'm very Tired now need to bed , good night thanks for seeing this blog hahah 1.16am DAMN!

bye bye

A Guy who been thru so many

2006-09-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Heart stopped

2005-11-07T23:16:00.000-08:00

My heart stopped , i am dead , i feel nothing , its good to be in this way . guess need more blood to carry on pumping haha

Yellow Tooh Uncle

2005-11-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

Ehh Fark u yellow tooth uncle , u dun anyhow say pple think about yourself 1st , u edit your pics and u dare not meet pple out and tell pple that u are not free all those shits , u got lots of unreveal secret about you , thats why your farking hair all drop , edit some more speak somemore bad things about pple one day i make sure u will die on the road with your bike , i comfirm that with you , retribution will come your muther farker .

Loving a person

2005-10-31T13:20:00.002-08:00

U hurt a person , because u think u never treat her good enough . in real life u have to do something to forget about her , but deep in u , u drink and every then she just keeps floating in your mind back . she cannot forget her , and yet u told another girl then how she did to u and the girl go tell her , and make everything clear to her , and made her more got digusted by you , and what u did just its not you , she remove u from msn , friendster and everything just to keep a distance from you , but deep in your heart u still feel for her everyday . and everyday u just trying to act like someone that you are not always been , a flirt but u still cannot do it . u still think that everything u do just to forget about the pain and u betraying yourself , cuz its still there , she's always in your mind . u drink and drink to cover your their side to feel ease , but what she say is right , u can never change yourself easily as what u wanted , u are always u , how hard u change u will still be u ... its so wrong this way , i feel i am fark up and useless.

Loving a person

2005-10-31T13:20:00.001-08:00

Loving a person

2005-10-31T13:20:00.000-08:00

Me part 2

2005-10-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

haha this shows something that i should try something i never try before , U gonna be a big Flirt! yeah baby , training in progress haha

Me

2005-10-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

Your dating skills are AVERAGE!

You scored a 65 out of a possible 100 points. You’re pretty good with the ladies, but you can be intimidated by a woman who is exceptionally attractive. There are some women out there that you consider to be “out of your league”.

Sometimes when you see a woman you’d like to approach you become immobilized with fear, and by the time you figure out what to say, she's gone…

There have probably been several times in your life when a woman lost interest in you, and you just couldn’t figure out why. Maybe she gave you her phone number and then didn’t return your calls, or maybe you went out on a few dates with her and things seemed to be going good, when all of a sudden she became mysteriously unavailable.

You might wonder why some of the women you are attracted to don’t feel the same way, when all of your female friends tell you how lucky any girl would be to have you…

These are problems that almost all guys run into at one time or another, but very few men know exactly what to do to prevent these things from happening in the first place.

These are problems that many guys have, but very few know how to actually solve.

The good news is that you can learn to attract these exceptional women... and even have them chasing you for dates!

Hate Pple

2005-10-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hate pple everytime say someone and they cannot perform themselves , they see things in small matters but they never care about u and your feelings . their farking brain only got small matters and its themselves and their thinking . but they never know how others feel . If u are also one of those pple better go slap your yourself and wake up ^^ . whahahaha Fark U ^^

Life is similar like a drug addict

2005-10-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

Never smoke for 2days + hours , the feeling is so different , its like so uncomfortable your mind is mess up , u feel empty , and u feel like eating things all the way , i keep thinking that i wan to go buy buy buy buy the cigarettes back home , but i keep forgetting but i have nothing else to do i feel like smoking again haha , but just few mins ago i went down stairs and bought it , my determination failed me . but i tell myself i should try this way , 1 pack got 20sticks , i should start smoking 5 sticks a day , rather then i always smoke 20sticks in one day . then lesser and lesser , maybe 1 stick per day , so my pack of cigarettes last me 20days ahaha . maybe this is how i should cut down instead of quiting straight away , the feeling its like near death this morning , i cough until i cannot breath the feeling is so painful that i teared out, dunno why . hmmmmmmm 1st time i having this feeling so painful from getting away from cigarettes.

Childrens

2005-10-22T02:22:00.000-07:00

today did a show for kindergarden school guaduation . i see lots of small boys and girls they are so cute , and give me this feeling if i have a son of my own , the only way to teach him is not to find the same path as u , and giving the best there is the best there was and the best will ever be <-- haha sounds similar ya? u had a wife a daughter and a son , what a happy family , but this intention just suddenly give me a struck and i was shock that i was thinking about all these , and yet my career is still unstable yet , hmmm think there is a long way to go , u have a son that u can see how u suffer when u was a boy , and never let your son to have the same life as u , a child is like an past life of u , and u see him grow everyday its like u telling yourself that how was u when u are a boy ^^ .. guess i talk too sissy today whahahaha hmm... at least i have thought of these b4

if one day ~

2005-10-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

if one day i can't speak anymore hmm like entering a new kind of world that cannot speak , and use hand sign to tell pple how u feel and stuff like that , its getting worst the discomfort , its like poping out of my throat soon~ if one day this thing happened i guess i will learn how to cherish life for being a handicap person . and how they are challaging their life in this society.

burst of agurments

2005-10-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

acutally i beginning to love agurments . Dunno why it gives me the feeling to understand pple more and also dunno sometimes its like so funny but it gets sad sometimes . but nevertheless we live to fight , if we are too cold we will never get to know more about each another . now i understand something tat my life goes together with the change . maybe some pple are borned to be aguring couples . the only day they cherish is when one day the person is gone , and they will think that , why i cannot live on without the person beside me . love is hate , hate is love , caring doesn't mean anything , now i understand already . it just flew thru me just today .

I know something already

2005-10-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

i think i began to know smoething already , that i shouldn't do all this stuff again never gonna type all this things already . from now i hate it , there's one thing that i hate the most is that what i never do before and got frame . ok nvm ^^ i'm cool ^^ . drawing a line to where i am standing . i should fight for my rights from now on . fark off if u dun like . u have your style i have my style , dun climb up my head and build a house there . _|_ O.o _|_

Misses

2005-10-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

Does whenever there's a break in between , when both person going seperate ways , and someone there's another one missing the other , if this missing thing inside his/her mind , does that mean they still wanna back the relationship? missing badly is called love? or is that missing is there , but u dun wanna go back anymore ? why we misses each another so much and yet we can't be together , how painful is this? we got full of doubts towards ourself , things can be there and just that everyone wans to make it more complicated , maybe including me , things are there but u tend to mess it around and make it gone , and later u feel like having it back again . Its like no one will accept that kind of feeling , <== for your info , i am saying myself . its so hard to understand why pple misses pple and yet they dun wan to be together , its a battle of comparison in whose more pity? or its just some unmature game ? should pple go think about how and where and bring up a family instead of others exceptional things .

The Stuff Neck and throat

2005-10-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

its been a few months also i had this , i never see any doc , but i suspect i having something grown inside my throat which always make me dry , like something stuck inside and i have breathing difficulties . Dunno what is that just feel very uncomfortable , last time see private doc he say its muscle stretch but after so long i feel that something is wrong , its not just muscle stretch that simple , every now and then i keep holding my neck and press down to feel comfortable , its like so awkard . dunno why will come next hmmm

Haiz

2005-10-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

I find that everytime after my relationship ended with someone that someone will find a even better bf then me , how i wish i am the better someone , but i was not fated , i'm always the 1st , then later pple will find another one . sometimes i am so jealous about it , but no choice its life its fate no one can change . sometimes pple make mistake and they know next time cannot do it liao , thats why their next bf will be a better one . guess there is good and bad when u are alone , but it gets real hurt when u really like someone . Cuz u are giving everything , and u scare to lose your confident . the more experience u get in love the more dangerous state u are entering , u tend to lost hope lost confident lost everything and dun dare to try it again .

Friends and alone

2005-10-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

both are never same feeling and it never will appeared the same in anyone's life . when u are alone u are negative when u are with your friends u are on positive . hmm its just hard to explain and neither it can be explained . pple always have two faces , just like the one in batman , u have to toss a coin to think what u gonna do next . anyway sadness will last but not forever , once u have something that came to u and , that will make u forget about the past . just like a dead person who is closed to u , u cry and cry and u give up everything , few yrs later u will be back on track . and live on your normal life as usual . this is what i hate being a human , we are too spoilt and we tend to forget the past and look forward the future , but another thing is that if u dun look at the future , u keep thinking the past , and u are condemn in this world . see how complicating is life . hope one day the end of the world come and pple will then know how to cherish their life but it only last them a few sec or a min to think . by the time it will be too late~ Yawnz haven slp , i think i should go slp now just boozed and went to work straight the booze day i also went swimming again , i found out my stamina sucks . i think i need to train on that in order to get discipline out of myself , Ray u lazy butt better go do soemthing about it

Back to sq 1

2005-10-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

seems like everything is fated to be this way , i am back to my own path once again . as i know that my love will never last , its good to see pple together accepting each another and found the way that u hoping for . But for me ^^ it just drag more n more further back , the feel is the word , even pple are together with no feel they will never be satisfied with them self . i guess i am getting more n more lost feel and out of hands to hold the thing i wanted. slowly it will let me think that being together is not a happy thing , cuz u have to feel for so many things , one wrong feel , thats it , its gone . i guess i am back to my coward self , always feel that girls dun feel about me. pointless to say so much also . what is yours is yours , and if its not yours , no matter how hard u try or how much u come out with . the outcome is still the same . Lets dun say about such things like , there will be a better day ^^ . why dun say like there will be a end of this one day ~ ^^ . think u all get what i mean but no worries i not a stupid person that do stupid things . i only know when there is a need to be done , i will do it .

To Lose Someone

2005-10-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

Losing someone isn't what everyone wanted , but u have to lose it because u love that person too much . and for the sake of her future , this guy lefted her , because he knows that the longer he stay the longer theres no meaning in life . if there is a 2nd chance for the both person to be together , they will cherish each another more , love tends to have quarrel , but nevertheless they understand each other more , the uglier the person is the more meaning in love . so it goes on from battle till peace , because they found out both person are really in love with each other but they are unsure about their own feelings . after breaking , pple like to blame themselves for not treating the other party good enough . but deep inside their heart , when there is thinking and picture inside their head of another party . means that u still do care , u are not inhuman , just that pple cannot accept what they did wrong , and they dun wish to turn back cuz they think they had make a very big mistake in life where everyone cannot take it . overall maturity is the person that noes how to handle his/her things well and live a happy life . Moral of the story is telling pple to accept the truth and get it solve and not sitting down crying and blaming yourself that u did wrong all sort of stuff . it maybe no more hope in relationships but if u open yourself up a little and think positively u get it someday .

Will always love her... but u cannot have her ...

Things i wanna tell her

2005-10-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are lots of things i wanna tell my dearly . character doesn't have to be the main reason to be together . sometimes we are challaging each another on some of the things that we think we know well . i admit sometimes i get too harsh on her and she needs time and thinking , but when she's sick on bed i feel my heart so pain , she is just too lovely that i cannot bear to hurt her . and also many times when we were having conversation she got this personalities that likes to tell pple some strong words and underpowered u , and u think u are useless and u have no face to see her again . but her main reasons is " say say only " but deep inside my heart i feel that i am showing bad side of me , slowly she will walk away and left me alone in the dark . there's time we are happy and caring and we seems to care so much about one another , but most of the time we are just comparing again each another's knowledge , its like comparing how mature we are . But it doesn't seems important its a couple that is unusual then the normal . i just have this feeling that i need to love my baby more , but i scare i overdo it also , i fear so much things , i started to come out so much nonsence. she have her kind of treating her bf , but maybe she really loves her bf just that she is showing differently. the 1st girl that u ever encounter , and u never got used to it . So u keep having suspicious ideas about her love towards u , and u keep wanting her to tell u the truth , truth maybe will end everything or maybe truth will bring us into another level of trust and getting more loving then ever . But its better if the truth is out rather then me keep thinking and thinking . Just wondering why am i keep thinking . Maybe i really wanna get into it and i wan to know everything . Sighz this kind of feeling dunno how to say , its just like someone is with u and u dun feel that its getting closer and its drifting away because u think that u didn't feel any love from another party . i maybe need more attention from her , i hate to admit that i am a guy when it comes to love , i need my gf to shower me with love and not giving me anything but words to console me . maybe its a wrong way to do , if her way of love isn't that way . All i know is that u have to give in everything to get a brighter future ... thats all i have to say today .

Dear Ray Love You

Never Accepted

2005-10-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

Have u Ever think that u are never accepted in anything in your life ? Sometimes in life u tend to aim for something that u always wanted , u wish to climb as far as possible but luck is bad , fate is cruel . and everytime there is a barrier inside of u . and also u are borned in a lost world . Everyday u wake and and keep thinking the same thing , friends around u going in a good life a better life and everything is great . when u look at yourself back , u feel that u are a useless person . simple stuff u cannot do , and you insisted your own way and no body else . pple giving advise to u but u dun listen and u wan it your own way . u dun wan pple to get into your way , it gets angry when pple starts to judge u , but nevertheless , in this world , if u never open up u will never accept pple's opinion and u get angry easily . u feel that the person is looking down at u , and u wanted to be perfect , everyone worship u . u can feel it this way but not forever . wait till the day has to come . u will know u acutally did the wrong move in your life .

Things that u wanted

2005-10-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

There's things that u wanted in your life but , somehow or rather pple dun understand , or pple dun care too much about u , its cruel but its the world. u cannot change pple's thinking . and also when u are gonna tell the person what u want but the person , u will start to think that the person gonna say u are childdish , and u fear so much that u acutally swallow it back the words and put into your stomach without telling anyone . so all the time u remain quiet just to feel better , its good that acutally there's a few times when he/she shown u that he/she knows what u thinking . and i also learn something for being selfish , love yourself then any one do . if u keep thinking , do your other side knows what u want? u will never rest never be happy . i never been thinking about it ever since i am together with someone , u dun feel like losing someone , u wanna get hold of someone , and u dun wan the person to leave u . and there's time u feel u are useless and u cannot do anything to save this relationship . there's these thing u always wanted , u wan to be acknowledge by pple and u wan pple to know your existance and not just someone that is normal. u can't do that , cuz u never inside a picture . u are being hidden somewhere , or maybe inside someone's deep heart . with uncomfirmation , u are forever a history in pple's diary or what so ever . basically , i think say much no use , everyone have different character . what u wan may never come true.

complicated

2005-10-08T01:34:00.000-07:00

THings comes in so handy and out of the sudden its like lost of no where , sometimes what u think of yourself and what pple think of u is different , but no matter how u try pple will still think that way , its cuz the way u act and the way u speak and also the way u think . everyone have their own space of thinking and they dun really like pple to take over them . some pple learn things from each another when they talk and sometimes when it gets to too closed . Ugly side of u came out and will frightened the one that is closed to u . like pple always said " if u do things wrong and thats your character , pple will remember forever its just the matter they wanna care so much or not " . everything seems so sweet and nice but u never know such things will crash by your own hands . sometimes u cannot accept your self from doing wrong but when it comes to emotion , u tend to lose your mind , and not u controlling your mind and its your mind controlling u , telling u to destroy , u hate to get something u kill to get noticed , whatever things u do just to get your existance , but think again , its a foolish thing to do . living a normal life is cheating yourself , cuz u are not the type of person that u are living in a normal life . u dun wan anything in this world and u wan just yourself . hmmm see how life is so complicating. but nevertheless , i will change one day.

Life aspect

2005-10-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

Here some of the things i think what we should do to be a successful person in whatever thing u gonna do

Determination
Discipline
Confidence
Open Wide Range of Ideas
Get your networking

This 5 points never let u die on what ever u do , so far i haven complete any yet , say , its like not even started . hahaha! enjoy

Voices on My head

2005-10-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

i keep hearing voices saying " u should quit your job now get a better one . No! u should carry on take your 13th month bonus . U come here to learn as much as possible so in future u get benefit , u work on like this u cannot enjoy holiday all u do is work n work u different from other pple , ray u are fark up , u make everyone worry about u , " i getting mad soon ... am i a man of decision? should i make a decision or the decision should make me? i dunno , just 2 more mths only! tahan abit , but farking cb boss keep leturing me tell me the future and he knows shit , he looked down on me make fun of me , his kindness is a piece of shit , 2 face person , he need u , he talk to u nicely , he dun need u , ask u guard the lorry from getting summon and yet he can go drink farking cb kopi , and i under the hot sun , farking cb i dun have a role in this company , they just need me only when shortage of man power , then all the while ask me coil cable , run cable , tape cable , i wanted a place where i can show my real skill , but everyone here always look down on u , u are always blur inside their eyes , u know nothing , but farking cb dun underestimate me lcb , one day i will prove to u farkers out there pui..

Feel of emptyness

2005-09-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

U may not feel what u are now , u may also not feel what u have now . the real thing is that u had everything in fantasy , and not realistic . Day by day it fears that the end will come to this world . i gave myself some time allowance to see the truth . if its just fantasy and not real i will just leave it as what it is . the theme " fated alone " was engrave inside the deep of heart , like pple always say u dun try u dunno . but some how or rather , these things are coming more n more real . its like u cursed yourself . a cursed that cannot be lifted by anyone , not even yourself . everything that came to your arms will leave as time comes . u start to wonder why , its because the world is not yours only , they are too many living pple with different kind of ideas . and u become so useless that u cannot accept what pple did to u , u will never let go your mind because u are stubborn , and there's goes . u made fate become one of u , u cannot change it , this is the 1st person that u in loved with and can help u down the road. No ones there for u , the battle its on , its u , you and yourself . u hit yourself u blame yourself , u kill yourself . remain slience doesn't help u too , human needs a listening ear , guess if there is no one in this world , how will u feel ?

Pain

2005-09-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

Some how it just sudden hurted me , something is not right , things are not u expected to be , somehow everything got its own reason , some can accept some cannot , but its based on everyone's feelings and character , to the limit of understanding , understand something doesn't mean it will work , everyone talk about feeling , everyone has their own kind of thinking , pple can be fake pple can be real , its the trust level that is not enough to believed in human , things are fated , no matter how u cry how u make yourself like a pityful person , only u yourself noe what u wan , others can comment and guide and give some , so called " Comfort " . But the fact is the fact , its only u and your own battle between two personally of yours , u started things and u end things all by yourself , even how hard another person tried to help u , end up its your own desicion ,

U Cried whats the use? U Feel like dying whats the use? as time passes everyone will forget what they did and what they had before, just like an dead person who u loved for so many yrs ( a closed one ) . and i dun like the idea of living , everyone have a kind of face . pple always say " u have to be strong " normally pple that say this to u , they themselve is one of the kind too . The world is so fake and everyone is full of pain , 100% of the life in this world 70% u start to think nonsence and stupid things and like to think negatively , 30% is where u have fun with your friends going out , your relationship your what so ever . life is just a living pain walking the path to death...

My darling dear

2005-09-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

my darling dear is so nice buy breakfast for me when i was asleep , know that i tired bec of work , i cannot pei her sometimes cuz due to my work schedule always last min , sometimes i scared she might bored , so its my duty to always check on her , and try to be as close to her , that i will be there for her , when i need her she's there and she needs me i am there too ( lol , wait kanna scold by her ) she really understand about what i am doing, which is a bery nice gf to me , i will love her more then what it takes , but now i am stinky just came back from work work for whole day from 9am till 3.30 am reached home so freaking tired even eyes also wanna close liao i wan to go bath liao haha thanks dear muacks

I like you

2005-09-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

I like you because , U are caring and gentle , I like you because , U are understanding and mature , I like you because u know how to think for yourself , I like you because U are so sweet to me , I like you because U are reasonable , I like you because U are the one that i feel comfortable with , I like you because the way u hold me kiss me hug me , I like you because U made my dream world came true , I like you because u are my everything that i been searching for . And lastly I Love U.

Tired Tired Dearly

2005-09-03T05:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Dearly i am so tired just reach home 5.09am i have to wake up at 7.30am for the next show till at night now waiting for hair to dry up , zzzzzz i wanna slp i am tired , zzzzzzzzzzz very tired *zzzzzzzzzzzzz* Its gonna come true soon! its getting closer i can feel it but dunno she feel it or not , or maybe i thinking too much , haha , thats it i freaking tired now gd night lol

New song By me

2005-08-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

hohoho just completed 6hours ago i dunno what should i named so i named it Ray_-_Toliet_Sex.mp3 hahwhahahaha.. sian lehh maybe i might start writing lyrics liao dunno how it should feel

Fark up Boss

2005-08-17T03:38:00.000-07:00

i had enough of this freaking job i had , u have to drive lorry , 24hours standby sell your time to your boss , low pay , more work . what ever he wanted or last min setup , i was always there saying " ok , sure , on the way now " but when it comes to diesel money and season parking he always drag and tend to act blur , everytime i pump that diesel money i keep the recipet and pass it to him , he see and ask why so much , i say there's show and i pump the diesel one , then he say " u know nowadays very less show liao , but your diesel money must save abit dun pump too much " <-- this sentence feel like i wanted to slap his face , like i am eating up his money go pump anyhow and its the fact the show that day needed diesel to move that farking lorry . and he said somemore " u wait , i must go check the dates whelter got work or not then pass u the money " <--- he dun trust me and delay my claim from him. my paid only 1.3k everytime i spending money on this farking lorry i need to pay bills and others things like eat and pay family 300 dollars a mth , i was never enough .

By the way i think i be working till OCt and fark off this company , the working enviroment is good but boss is liek fark , stingy , talk about stingy i still remember that day on 31th of last december . the boss earn 15k just one night , and there was 31 lighting hang on the bar and all sound system was out from the office . we do loading and unloading 6 times up and down from office to that party place till the lorry is fully loaded , and setup everything with just 3 person . and 48hours straight never slp . right after that day we tear down everything that farking boss still got one more show with means it extend another 8 hours which is fark up , 10 person job become 3 person job and he wan to cut cost by not employing any part timers and let his full time guys suffer like fark . i will never forget that day. which let me think that he is an farker
i be leaving soon . some pple told me i should wait till dec this yr to get 13mth , i said back " my collegue worked for him for 5 yrs and he never get even one 13mth pay before . i work 1yr + got get? dun be stupid la . i rather use the money throw at his farking face . cuz i dun need 13mths and stress myself like that ...

And somemore i rather go work other places cuz in this company i dun get doing sound myself and not even lighting , i just setup finshed and watch them do , ask boss how to do , and he always saying " nevermind u wait there " all along i been waiting wasting my time waiting for them to do everything then i can go . i dun get infront of the mixer board often , those big show and patching stuff i wan not involved, how do i learn in this way ? he dun feel like teaching, ask pple like getting laughed by pple saying " SAE student cannot do anything la " i believe i can do better then them if i do it often . i rather setup already i was there on the console and programming things so i got thigns to do rather then sitting one side and wait like stupid like that . now i looking what are the stuff and do how they setup , one day i will made them take back what they said b4 " SAE student dunno nothing "

Jam

2005-08-02T08:27:00.000-07:00

Wohh Finally New original had arrived haha!. Went to Jam Ytd , and arrange one version out and recorded in the jamming studio , hmmm say this is the 1st time in my life i really wrote a full song for someone , hmmm its a song for her to grow a strong power inside herself and telling her to be strong , lyrics written by her haha! cuz my one sucks haha. hmmm ... its good to see everyone so happy when arranging that song , ops i forget to tell the title of the song ~ its called Jiang Qiang . Hmmm my feeling is er... nevermind dunno what to type liao haha =P

Sick Fever , Flu , life ~~

2005-08-01T05:24:00.000-07:00

Damn haha i been working for the passed few days and got into sick mood. haha everything just struck me , sick , fever , flu all kinds of shits . hmmm lately i been thinking about the job i had , it stops me from doing lots of things. no time having a gf , no time going out , no time having fun when fun is there. always the one being lack out~ =D

But As Ages catches up , no matter what we still have to find a way to learn about whats life is all about , maybe old already , your mum needs u to take care of her , and lots of shity stuff came into your life , like paying your own bills hahah , transports , meals , and even must noe how to see the dark side of those pple that u are working for . hmmm dunno it just feel that everyone that have a dark sided thinking . Just hope that the day when the world ends haha , so no one will suffer no one will have burden cuz they are already dead. But some how , we still standing on this piece of ground , thinking something that might not be happening . problems problems and problems so many things to worried. hmm i talk too much already haha maybe wanna go nuts already , i think this is how blogs worked bah~ u share my idea i share your ideas . k good nightz ^^